yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
