I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
