I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
