It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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