I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
