I accidentally had phone sex last night
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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