Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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