I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
