It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
