I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You made out with two different species that night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
