new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
