I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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