I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
