i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
