Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
