Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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