What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
