There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
