i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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