I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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