My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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