so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
well you can't waste a boner
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
