God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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