I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
there was a trapeze. enough said
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
