You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
