Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
