i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
