So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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