my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish I only lived at night.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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