dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Farmville is her only friend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
