3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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