The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
