8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
