dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize