His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
