Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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