Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
