did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
