dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
