So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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