he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
