i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
