i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
