So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
