Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
