Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
