Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Rumble strips road head = magical
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
