i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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