So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
