Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
