if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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