We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize