a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
