I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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