I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They took my balls.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
