Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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