My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
nutella sex= disaster
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
