I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just pee around me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
