i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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