Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
