I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
A bitchslap is in order.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
