oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
