don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
