My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
