well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We had to coat check the pizza.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
