I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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