Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
