If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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