How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
