What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She's the barista slut.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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