Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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