Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
