I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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